Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Okay, I lied 

I have been many people. The one I seemed to be becoming when posting here, or when scribbling in my journal (neither of those increasingly rare activities could I class as writing) was not much to my liking. But I have been others; I could be others again. Like I could be one who says one thing on Saturday and contradicts it on Tuesday.

I realise now that I wanted to see what it felt like really to say those words “I quit”. At first, it felt good – free, at last. But then something was missing.

I could just ditch this blog and start a new one, but that’s too much effort, and there ought to be some continuity.

I could resurrect my other, anonymous, blog, but that doesn’t feel right either. I don’t want to be nameless; I want to find a better name. Or my real name (one or two long-time readers might recognise that long-forgotten theme).

I don’t have the energy right now to Write. Not Properly. Not even the energy to write badly. So I need to figure out once more what this space is for.

For now though, the new job is keeping me busy. Starting bad habits – bringing work home. Best get on with it then. See you around?

Oh yeah, one more thing. A few months back, I put a note in my diary that today marks the point where I have been blogging for exactly 10% of my days here on this earth (calculated courtesy of Excel’s goal seek function). It seemed noteworthy. Not sure why exactly, never having been one to worry about anniversaries and the like, but 10% feels like a sizeable proportion. Not something to be dismissed so lightly.

Did I put that note there knowing that I would need it to tie me to this space a while longer?

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