Monday, September 08, 2008

A step 

It’s getting pretty desperate that I find a way out of this current slough of despond, as Bunyan would call it, even if only temporarily – say by finding a small island and clawing my way onto its low summit to catch a glimpse of the land beyond this place. Whilst mired deep in the bog, the view of the landscape seems endlessly hopeless in every direction. With no hope, there’s no reason to move. So rather than moving anywhere, the first step must be to find hope.

Tomorrow therefore I join a group of work colleagues for part of their sponsored bike ride to Amsterdam, in aid of the BBC’s Children in Need charity. Last year I did the whole trip; this year I couldn’t commit the time (a story I’ll tell when it’s fully unfolded) so I’m just cycling 90 miles from St Albans to the ferry terminal at Harwich; when they get on the ferry, I’ll take the bike back on a train to London, which should see me home about midnight.

Charity event though it is, I have to admit I’m doing this primarily for myself. Work is becoming, shall we say, problematic. My overwhelming negative feelings towards it have built such a barrier in my mind that, struggle as I might, I barely manage to achieve anything at all from one day to the next. Yet no-one seems to notice, or if they do, they don’t seem to care.

(See? This is why I’ve stopped writing –every post, one way or another, turns into a whine about work).

So, tomorrow is about doing something – putting a marker post of achievement in the ground to remind me that I do still have some capabilities, however under-utilised they may be.

As I say, it is a charity event so if any UK readers (or anyone anywhere for that matter) wants to make a donation, here’s where you can do just that.

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