Older, but no wiser

Oh dear. I’m going through another of those “I’m going to stop blogging” phases. My twisted reasoning goes like this:

My self esteem is pretty crap right now.
It’s crap primarily because I’m feeling guilty about low productivity and lack of commitment at work.
It’ll stay crap until I address the work issue.
So I need to become more committed and more productive at work – in other words, more engaged.
I know from past experience that engagement in work and engagement in writing/blogging are mutually exclusive.
I know that last statement looks as though it ought to be debatable, but trust me – those two represent opposite ends of the scale. At least in this job.
This all sounds uncannily like a post I made maybe 18 months ago, and which led on to starting counselling.
So if this is far as I’ve got, I might as well pack up the counselling too.

Where to go from here? I genuinely wonder if I might be happier just being a regular guy who gives an honest day’s work for a fair day’s pay, takes care of his family, maybe messes about with a camera every now and again, enjoys a moment’s peace through the medium of music, but forgets all about hypothetical notions like self-actualisation.

I dunno…