Older, but no wiser

…weekends filled with chores
…not having time for rest and recuperation
…being Mr Nice Guy the whole time
…spending all day at work in front of a computer…
…so that my eyesight is deteriorating rapidly…
…and I have no enthusiasm left for anything involving computers in my own time…
…such as finishing my photo website

…anything that prevents me spending more time in the hills. 3 or 4 days a year is not enough
…that the only weekday time I have to myself, I’m too tired to make much use of it
…living in suburbia
…being tied to a salary
…an upbringing that taught me to put self last…
…and where showing strong emotions of any sort (or even weak ones) was just not done
…believing that satisfying the wishes of others is more important than recognising the wishes of self
…not being encouraged to have dreams and to follow them

…being sidelined
…having qualities that go unnoticed
…having my schedule planned for me
…being told what to do
…spending 12-13 hours a day doing nothing more worthwhile than travelling to a place of work and earning money
…having to sleep
…not having time to read enough books

…my boss’s attitude
…becoming a cynic
…having no professional identity
…doing work that doesn’t make a difference
…doing work where people don’t matter
…always giving in
…having so much sub-surface resentment

Yeah, okay, I could do something about most of them, I know. But they bug me. I just wanted to get that lot out of my system.

And it’s a rather horrifying thought that I could easily write an essay about every one of them – a whole book full of resentment…

Hmmm…